o_O

What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger....

<....>

When lost in this twirling emotion
The first touch is almost erotic
Close your eyes and take a deep breath
Exhale and bite down on your bottom lip
Shivers go up and down your spine
as the second touch scales across the skin
this emotion is just to much,
to secretly handle inside
Begin the penetration
Claw your side with your free hand.
Scream and release everything thats inside
Penetrate again and again
Biting and clawing your lips and your side
exhale
scream
exhale and smile
Its over and done
That is until next time.




the idea in my head seemed so much better than this did. I was trying to describe a feeling/emotion/action etc, by explaining it through a similiar sounding action (etc)

so the obvious is the sexual intentions of this....verse? but the actual behind the scenes stuff is this is about cutting.
I was watchign a show and it ave me the idea
i duno
it sucks
but i needed to write it, crappy or not

but im done for now

bye
more crap to come XP

blinded sight

You know Ive never needed a crutch before, Ive never felt the "i ahve to have" somthing crutch.. yea pot, but that was different, pot used to be the kind of crutch cuz it was fun
but ive hit rock bottom, i now feel as though i need anything and not for fun, i just want to escape, and it scares me, i want to drink, get baked outta my mind or anything to just stop thinking, and yet im nto thinking about anything.
I feel liek a zombie
im desperate to do soemthing, and its so hard to keep these feelings down..
and it doesnt help im alone, dez is working an extra hour tonight so he wont be home until 10ish...
i cannot stand it
its never been this bad before...
i just feel done
i dont know
im venting no one has to worry about me =)
im going to go lay down

off the wall

With all the awesome happy things happening lately....
I still feel like shit
All I want to do is sleep all day and eat...
I've fallen so far down.
I dont want to play any video games with dez i just basically want to go to sleep when he gets home.
I hate feeling like this but i dont know how to get out if it.
I dont know how to fix it

on a happier note
To be honest i cant wait go dress shopping and figuring out wedding plans
I have some neat plans, a gothic victorian, part of me wants moer goth than victorian thats dezs thing but we shall see

back to bad things

I wanna scream
i want to be able to have an interest in something again
I wish things didnt always seem like such a turnoff...

I want a weekend away from everything and everyone, and dez and I have talked and he agreed, but i dunno, staying a couple nights at my dads woudl suck cuz i cant take another sunday off work they wont like it and one day wont do it.. so im gunna have to wait a bit..

arrg, i dunno
i cant even type anymore, i used to enjoy typing and blogging and writing poetry and being creative with photos

i just want to be a person again...
i dunno what to think anymore

Burning Bright --> Shinedown

I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend Im burning
Burning bright

I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend Im burning bright

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend Im burning

Theres nothing ever wrong but nothings ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I cross the lines its not easy to define
Im born to indecision
Theres always something new some path Im supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend Im burning bright

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend Im burning

I feel like there is no need for conversation

<3

What kind of soul do you have --off facebook ><

You have come out with the Oceanic soul type. This would describe you as a person who is generally happy inside with an array of surfacing moods that tend to effect the people around you more than you would like. You are very busy dealing with things that seem like they would make no sense to the people in your life. You long for communion emotionally with someone but can't seem to find anyone who fits the bill. It is exceedingly important for an Oceanic soul to realize they are part of something by nature that is so vast, so incredible, so infinitely changing that they do not need to 'connect' the way they have learned to think that they do. All they really need to do is take notice of the beauty they are a real bonafide part of and participate fully. It is by exerting will in this small behavioral way that will bring them into a light that is very attractive to the right kind of people for them. Ironically, once an Oceanic realizes what they are a part of and starts to really willfully participate, they no longer feel such a need for connection.. cest la vie.. so get busy Oceanic soul! You have a lifetime of tides to ebb and flow through, and a whole world of beauty to be a part of.

Girl on the floor - Ayria <3

Mirror mirror, on the wall
I'm just someone with no self control
You don't know the real me, but you get a glimpse so you paint a picture
So vivid, but just so wrong

This little girl is broken this time
I've seen things no one should ever have to see
I paint a smile on to tell the world I'm doing fine
While everything I've known flies out the window

(Chorus:)
I just want to leave this situation
I don't want to reach this destination
Can't you see I've lost the motivation
I want to leave this situation

Mirror mirror, on the wall
You see a girl with no self control
You ask what I want, it's complicated
The truth is, I don't know

I guess it's not enough to be there sometimes
But I've been dealt a hand no one should ever have to play
I guess I've really messed up this time
I'm too tired to fake the strength behind this lie

CHORUS

And now I sit here, all alone and bored
My head is filled with advice I once ignored:
That all you get from this moment, is all you gave to your past
And all you'll get from this moment, is what you gave to your past

I'm turning to the next thing
I laugh just for this moment
I'm crying on the bathroom floor
'Cause nothing is the same
Turning to the next one
Then we're laughing for the moment
I'm crying on the bathroom floor
I can not regain strength

CHORUS

And now I sit here, all alone and bored
My head is filled with advice I once ignored:
That all you get from this moment, is all you gave to your past
And all you'll get from this moment, is what you gave to your past


i enjoy this song <3