Thursday, December 31, 2009


So christmas is over
thank god
I hate this season,
i used to love it so much
but without mom... it hurts

this year was more intense than usual, i cant do anything without thinking of her, I see other girls with their moms, i look in the mirror and for a spilt second i see her in my reflection. before I go to bed i had visions of memories and stuff..

i hurts, i dont know how much longer I can stand this for. I feel like I just want to explode, i just cant keep up with it anymore.

I miss her.... I want her in my life..for real... I know she can't its impossible, but she's always with me.... but its not the same

but i gotta stop on that topic..

christmas wsa okay,, Dom and I were sick on xmas day and we had to miss both my familys and kelley and lenores dinner.. I feel bad, and then everyone was saying how we should have been there and I felt worse...

Dominic got some sweet toys and clothes, and this year he loved opening his presents :)

Dez got some sweet clothes, and a cool new jacket :)

I got a laptop from boxing day sales (future shop bad on boxing day)

and its great, its a little netbook. I love it

So dylans here with his gf, they arrived last night, no idea how long they are staying. but im takign his gf out shopping so dez and dylan can have some alone time.. but im nervous, im still having issues tryign to talk to my friends let alone random ppl...
so this may end up being a bit bad and a shitty awkward shopping trip but oh well

Dez got up this morning, got dom up, went to give water to his snake to find out he died :(

Dez is sad, he loved Sheare.. :( Im in shock, not sure why he died, dez thinks it may have gotten too hot with this light that we had, but we are not sure. :(

today is a crappy day all around.

I hate the holidays, hell the last few months have hell.. I hate life lately, its just...fuck it all... mood... but i must go save dominic

until later