i am an imperfect person but at least its me... and i can fix my owm problems, its my made up problems that cant change

you know whenever i drive home from work, i always have awesome ideas to blog about...but when i get near a comp with internet, they all go out the window minus some details...

either way

work sucks
no friends cuz im not there for any breaks, plus they all speak like Portuguese or something
yea like 99$ are Portuguese, and my boss seems like she is high gear all the time, she blinks all the time super fast talks fast, jerks and moves fast its creepy..she always sounds so busy and over worked.

to be honest, i can't wait until dez gets a career whether it be his writing or anything else he so chooses. but to be honest i never really had a real dream, I want to be like my mom, yes i hate cookning and cleaning, but when im alone ive always preferred to do those things
I want to stay home and take care of dez and dom,
by feeling that ive always felt greedy and selfish, but i truly feel that way so why should i feel bad? cuz a select few ppl will look down on me? if they do then I dont care (or at least i'll work thru trying not to care)

i hate working, i hate not being able to control my time, i feel liek im always working, it drives me crazy.
specially with my current work schedule where i only get one day off... liek yea i only work 4 hours, but only one day to sleep in and one day that is completely my own.

I cant lose one day cuz we need as much money as we can,
im hoping if we find a cheaper apt, i may then be able to cut down my hours, and if we move to the west side walmart, cuz then at least i can kinda dress up and look good for my job and make friends or at least acquaintances. and make better hours

which is another reason i dont liek my job, i clean rooms, and pick up hair from bathrooms, i dont get to wear makeup, and when i do its a waste.
arg

i cant wait to move... i hope we can soon... its just so hard to catch up, its like we are just at the line but we cant cross it...


but we are now looking at one bdroom apts, cuz dom can have the room and both doms and our dressers would be in the room, doms toys too, and dez and i sleep in a new futon/hide-a-bed (which we buy when we get cash) in the living room, not much different from what we do now but at least can convert easier.

well that kinda came out in more than bits and pieces, but its a start ^^
night


PS******* i suck at typing "like" and im too lazy to spell check them all, lol